Ask HN: Should I go on sabbatical even if I'm afraid of it?
Hello guys, I'm a 39-year old Italian software engineer with 10 years of experience, and I'm afraid of going on a sabbatical.
My background is quite different from my peers: even though I have a respectable and loveable family, when I was a young adult, I left my studies after secondary school and made a lot of mistakes and wrong decisions that eventually led me to commit different crimes, including a robbery, for which I spent some time in jail.
After that experience, I was in my 20s, finding a job was hard, and I only worked as blue-collar for small-term jobs. I also started suffering anxiety and panic attacks, and I was afraid of many things, especially working and finding a job. While working temporarily in a call center, I decided to go to an evening school to have more options on the table, and when I was 25, I successfully took a high school diploma in IT.
My goal was to work as a computer technician since every other IT-related job was unavailable to me; I had a criminal record and a barely fresh diploma, while my peers were probably coming out of university with a Master's in CS or related. It was too late to dream of something better. My family continuously told me: just be humble and satisfied with what I achieved.
I was not.
I chose to continue studying, and during the next few years, I completed various evening professional courses in Sys Admin, Networking Configuration, and a Cisco CCNA. When I got the first offers in the field, I was terrified to accept them, and I realized that configuring computers and networks was boring.
So I started to study PHP, HTML, and CSS (other evening courses), tinkering with my first websites.
A teacher noted my passion and offered me a job at his company: at 29 years old, scared as hell, I took my first job as a programmer for an Italian broadcaster, Radio 105. Throughout all these years, anxiety and fear never left me. I even had terrible impostor syndrome, constantly feeling like I was in the wrong place, doing bad things.
Time went on, I changed jobs, and suddenly I had the opportunity to work for eBay: me, a guy with this past, working with real software engineers! That's when I realized that maybe I was not so bad, and while working there, I searched for help to heal my uneasiness. I started to do cognitive therapy and, recommended by my therapist, mindfulness. Along with some SSRIs, this helped me to be more self-confident, calm and less restless. This new state of being enabled me to prepare for my next journey: five years ago, I decided to try for a Bachelor's degree in CS while working as a software engineer for a startup.
It was extremely challenging, but I was happy, and in the end, I was successful: last April, at the age of 39, I graduated with a good vote, and my dream came true! While studying, I realized that, from those distant years when I decided to take my first step into trying to change my life, I never stopped learning and working and that I was, in some ways, tired of giving my 100% to be successful. So I started dreaming about a sabbatical after graduation to take some breath, rest, travel (another thing that, in some way, scares me a lot) and enjoy life. Even in Italy, where the work ethic is quite old and conservative, and things like sabbaticals are frowned upon, it couldn't be that difficult to find another job as a programmer! That's what I thought.
And now that I'm there, I'm terrified. Anxiety, fear, and uncertainty like in the past: what if I could not get another good job? What if I'm too old to be a programmer? What if I cannot return to work and feel fatigued after a long period of rest? My therapist told me that maybe it's just my self-conservative side: I only discovered that this sabbatical is the wrong thing to do. I'm not totally sold on this theory, so I'm here, asking for some advice and help. Sorry if this post is too long, but I had this thing to say, and I hope this is the right place!
I took a sabbatical a few years back for a year and a bit to travel and spend time building software I really wanted to build. I was not afraid of getting a job when I got back so this is not really the same situation as you are in but I felt like if I didn't do it back then then I never would. I thought I'd have some big life changing idea along the way but what I got out of it was unexpected and wonderful. A year for me flashes by now but this felt like a lifetime. I could sleep on night buses, in train stations, in noisy hostels. I can now talk to almost anybody about almost anything. I can finally appreciate the time between things. Waiting around is finally peaceful for me. At work people gravitate towards those that make them feel good about what they do and I don't think you can learn that magic from books. However, you may have noticed that there is a lot of "I" and "me" in these words of mine and it is true that you become more selfish. Not nasty selfish but selfish nonetheless. Your absence may also take a toll on friends and loved ones. It is also a lonely affair despite all the people you meet and what it looks like in photos. I hope that helps!
If you have the means to support yourself, please take the sabbatical.
You may regret not taking it later in life.
I myself am a 40 year old man who dropped most of my professional obligations in January of this year. I am on a self described sabbatical as I attempt to reinvent myself as a software engineer.
I really don’t aim to be anyone’s employee; I’m simply trying to monetize a few ideas that I’ve had for a while.
If I am able to find a decent remote gig that would just be icing on the cake I guess.
Don’t ever be afraid to step away from work for a while as long as you have the finances to allow it.
Employers everywhere are hungry for talented individuals and a few months (or even longer) of no work on your resume shouldn’t bother anyone. If it does bother someone, you likely wouldn’t be content working for them in the first place.
I don't think anyone can answer that question but you.
But here are some questions for you:
What is your financial situation like? Would taking a sabbatical put you in a bad situation with your savings, or even worse, debt?
What if what you really want is not a sabbatical, but a different job?
I can tell you my experience is that taking time off has been good for me health-wise, but it wasn't a financial hardship to do it, and I'm self employed, so my work situation is a little unusual. I expect it might have the opposite effect you're low on savings and try to take long time off without an income.
It sort of makes me mad sometimes to think that burnout is so prevalent in our industry that people dream of taking not just a vacation, but a long sabbatical, just to recover.
Everyone has to find some life balance at some point. You've spent a lot of years on first getting in trouble and then getting out of it.
Here's my thought, though: you've already become good at rising above the system and asserting some ambition. That is the actual trajectory of your career, not the job title you presently have.
So if you take a break, the worst that happens is that you have to start over in building a reputation. In nearly all careers, that is a matter of spotting an emerging industry trend, jumping onto it and converting it into the "first job" again. Trends are generational in nature: a fresh cohort is hired to start working on a problem, they become experts, over time they become entrenched, and then, depending on how fast-moving the industry is, they are forced to exit because conditions have changed. Or they retire at the top.
Since programming as a field continues to grow rapidly, the only major issues you'll face are general age discrimination and your own health. The first is unavoidable. But the sabbatical lets you invest in your health and fix any bad habits. It's probably the right time to take one.
You should go because you're afraid of it
Don’t go because everybody here is saying you should go and you’ll regret it if you don’t. Everybody’s different and if you really don’t want to go because you’re scared or whatever, don’t go.
It’s true that you only have one life. Do what you want to do with it instead of what people on the internet say you should do with it.
I took a sabbatical to travel, and at the end of it what I learned was: any problems I faced, I managed to get out of it fine. And I realized I can apply this skill to any other problem in my life. I wondeered what if I couldn't find a developer job? I'd say keep looking, and do something else in the meanwhile (e.g. make mobile apps, or even change jobs).
OP you also have a bit of fatalistic view of "What if I never find another dev job?". Never is a long timeline, sooner or later you'll surely find something new. "What if I feel fatigued?" Well, I wonder how many of us push 100% at work or if many are just coasting, browsing HN too much.
Yes.
You really only do get one shot at this life, and you can spend a huge amount of time and mental energy planning and preparing filled with what ifs, for a future which may never arrive.
Try to apply for other jobs first and see how easy it is to find a job with your background and then you will know if your fear is justified.
Yes