Original site is gone, but I wanted to share the snapshot of it. I went down a rabbit hole after reading the FOIA request that confirmed his death in 2021.

The Depression post was one that resonated with me and kept me thinking of the quote from True Detective, "Life's barely long enough to get good at one thing. So be careful what you get good at."

Without knowing much about this person, just reading the post, I find this incredibly sad.

It just seems completely wrong way. Who cares if you excel at something? What about things you love? I love some things that I am terrible at. And I am good at some things because I love them.

And as for our brains, OMG! There are things we people can do that are so amazing. Just astounding. If you can speak any language, even if not Japanese, you learned it. And not from a book. You just 'got' it.

It is just a tragedy, because there is so much.

As someone who has struggled with depression, low self worth, and felt the nauseating discomfort of when the limits of my natural abilities make violent contact with my (often unrealistic) expectations, this hits uncomfortably close to home. Hell, I’ve even been obsessively trying to learn Japanese this year. I’m sorry to learn through the submitter’s comment about the author’s demise. I hope they felt some level of success eventually, or learned to accept things for what they are.

Drive and passion are extremely valuable things, but they can be very difficult to distinguish from obsession and self destructive behavior. I guess one way to try to keep yourself from flying off the rails is to manage your own expectations. What do I expect from mastering something? Am I doing to try to show off or prove something to someone? What difference does it make if it takes me 1 year or 20? What’s the risk if I fail? Am I enjoying the process? Am I seeing progress? Do I need to make more commitments to get to the next level? How effective has beating myself up, skipping out on my responsibilities, friends, family, and other pleasurable hobbies been in my journey? Am I more or less happy in my pursuit?

I dream of being conversationally fluent in Japanese. I’d love to be able to watch films and anime with minimal help from subtitles. I’d love to be able to read it (although I’m a little scared of kanji). Through the language, I’d like to understand the culture and the history better, to feel the joy of learning something challenging. Piling on myself for being a stupid piece of shit because I can’t remember words or comprehend a sentence a native speaking toddler can understand is not only inappropriate and unreasonable, it’s also one of the biggest obstacles to achieving my goals. As I keep that in mind, I find that I’m able to thoroughly enjoy the process. Although I totally get the author’s desperation to find someone patient enough to spend time talking with and teaching me.

Something I read recently that really hit home is: ”set a direction, not a goal and train yourself to embrace failure as a learning opportunity”. When you set a goal you’re setting yourself up for disappointment if you don’t reach the goal. If you set a direction you’re still improving but you’re freed up to enjoy the process not the result.

> Everything else I try and excel at goes absolutely nowhere.

I heard a story from an old runner who said, “Once I was running along the side of the road and somebody in a passing car leaned out and asked, ‘What are you training for?’ As they zoomed by, I yelled back, ‘THIS!’”

My point is that the trying is the getting somewhere.

that's pretty much the universal Japanese learning experience (except for people who know Chinese)

Who is this person? I am unfamiliar with this story.

Modern society isn't what humans evolved to thrive in