> Parents generally were so flexible in dividing up chores and child-care responsibilities — “catch as catch can,” one dad described it — that many boundaries were left unclear, adding to the stress.

> The couples who reported the least stress tended to have rigid divisions of labor, whether equal or not. “She does the inside work, and I do all the outside, and we don’t interfere” with each other, said one husband.

Quite interestingly this was a pattern I've already noticed in my friends and families' houses. Those with rigid divisions of labour tend to be the most relaxed, which personally I know I'm most relaxed if I know what I'm doing in advance. It personally bugs me when I get home from work and I'm told BTW we're going out now as I usually have things I already planned to do in that 1-2 hours after work.

However, a caveat is that rigid divisions of labour /= rigid rules. Most families I've seen with rigid rules tend to have the most drama, and whilst they usually have rigid divisions of labour, the rules typically blow the stress level through the roof.

Kind of hyperbolic e.g. "every soul-draining search for a missing soccer cleat," "the fieldworkers, most of them childless graduate students seeing combat for the first time"