A. Fewer words, more action or pictures. You've heard this already.

B. Wordsmithing. You need a copy editor, with a degree in English or its moral equivalent, to go over every line of this with you. Let's take apart just the third sentence:

Probably depends on how good of a designer you are!

"How good of a [X]" is a very awkward phrase in print. It might work in very casual spoken English, but in print it looks amateurish. Starting a sentence with "probably" is likewise too casual. Your customer base is made of designers. They often care about such details.

You should also consider avoiding the exclamation point. Heed the words of Elmore Leonard: "You are allowed no more than two or three exclamation points per 100,000 words of prose."

Now, having marginally improved the sentence by changing it to something like:

It probably depends on how talented a designer you are.

...you should delete this sentence altogether, because it is an awful sales pitch. You are, literally, questioning the skill of your prospective customer. Let me translate this opening:

If people aren't paying you $200 to $500 to design simple things, you probably suck!

Guess what? Your prospective customer is probably not currently being paid $200 to $500 for custom Facebook pages. If your customer already knew how to build these pages, he or she would not be shopping for your product. So your opening pitch can be further distilled to:

Dear customer: You suck!

Ouch. Get the whole thing off the page and replace it with something more like this:

Customers will pay you $200 to $500 for custom-designed Facebook pages, and you can build them in minutes with this tool.

Only with fewer words.

C. For a product that offers to simplify a complicated process, the home page looks awfully complicated. Too much technical jargon. Don't write things like this:

Forget about learning XFBML, FBML, FBJS, FQL.

You are trying to convince your customer that they need not learn or even think about these acronyms. So don't name-drop them. That's like trying to sell a Caribbean vacation by saying:

Forget about sharks, food poisoning, skin cancer, or pickpockets.

Make the prose on the page be as easy and soothing as the product is meant to be. Speak to your audience. Don't use any technical terms except those that your customers need to know: "HTML" and "CSS". If a subset of your customers needs to know about the XFBML, put it in the FAQ.

D. The name. I hate to have to say it, it's like picking on someone's kids, but "A Plan Of Attack" is not a good product name. It doesn't suggest Facebook, it doesn't suggest design, it doesn't sound like the name of an application or product, it contains too many words, and it starts with an "A" which will turn your word-of-mouth recommendations into an Abbott and Costello sketch:

  A: "What should I use for my simple Facebook pages?"
  B: "'A Plan Of Attack'"
  A: "Which plan of attack?"
  B: "No, that's a spreadsheet. Use 'A Plan Of Attack'"
  A: "Did you even hear my question?"
  B: "Third base!"

Good luck! If I ever need a custom Facebook page I will be sure to try your product.

One of the things that I've noticed is that you have too much text on your home page. The fact that I had to scroll down isn't a good thing. You have to make a sale FAST to an internet user. Trust me they have extremely short attention spans. How about this?

Are you a designer forced to dance to FBs tune? Use aplanofattack to deploy hassle free and concentrate on what matters the most; beautiful, seamless design.

Wanna learn more? Check it out.

I would chip away those lines again and again until it sounds like the voice in their head is saying it to them.

Also, have you thought of making it an intermediate thing? As you've replied in the comments something like this already exists for non-technical users, and you want to target developers, but why don't you target them both?

It's a matter of UI design. You can just about recess the less commonly used, and more complex functions out of sight, or make different views like WP has a visual compose mode and a HTML mode that works pretty well. Also, it would be awesome for a developer short on time to jump into modes for that good enough mockup.

This is what I see:

http://www.uploadscreenshot.com/image/91811/1706063

Are the boxes intentionally gray placeholders that you'll replace with screenshots or the like?

Instant impressions: Page loads too slowly. Too much text. Dislike the name.

The text in the yellow is hard to read, why are certain words in an even more yellow background?

The secondary marketing line isn't quite english:

"Probably depends on how good of a designer you are!"

I'd change that top bit to say:

> Create facebook pages for your clients with our WYSIWYG editor.

> A simple one page promotion page on Facebook is easily worth $500 for your clients. Design and sell them with A Plan of Attack today!

The problem with your text is that it's challenging and instills doubt. Am I good enough of a designer? Maybe not, oh well lets not bother. You want to say: Is a simple one page promotion page worth $500 to your clients companies? fuck yes - and we let you make them trivially!

"sell" is a bad word - especially to designers. Maybe "earn $500 by making your clients facebook landing pages" if that doesn't sound too dodgy.

The images on the right are just grey boxes, the login link should be top right. Let me create a page without signing up. (make the demo account auto login and obvious)

The sign up button should probably be on the right hand side of the page, i dislike how it turns red (too jarring)

The "Aplanofattack is in beta..." paragraph should be added on the sign up page, if not later. Sounds too sketchy on the first page.

Reiterate the service is free - on the sign up button.

Stick a contact button more obviously on the home page.

Kudos for saying "benefits at a glance" and not "Features at a glance" but now remove 80% of the words below that header.

Any and all feedback is welcome.

Hacker News has pretty much been my cofounder, investor, mentor and friend all rolled into one. So as always, thanks everyone.

If you like the concept please feel free to "Like" my application here: http://www.facebook.com/apps/application.php?id=129421017095...

This will help me do some customer development and also get my Facebook url (without the identifer).

If this really is your 93th attempt, I must commend you on your persistence, yet at the same time urge you to learn a little about lean startupping. It might save you another 100 failed attempts ;-)

First off, and most importantly: the business idea itself is sound. I'm saying that as a guy who's transitioning into doing a lot of stuff on FB, and it's a frustrating process. This factor is more important than anything else.

The homepage is a good start, but could be slimmed down and needs to be more visual, as others have already said.

The actual admin though (I signed up) is a bit chaotic. The list of widgets is only one widget and I don't really understand how it all works together. The code editor looks great: I'd suggest having some sort of drag and drop interface that pulls the widget UI and the code editing UI together.

Serious question - what went wrong with the other 9,355 business attempts?

Where did things not come together - unable to get traffic, to get conversions, to get sales, to monetize...? How much did you work at it in the past before giving up and moving on? If you've had problems at a similar area each time , there might be a blind spot or mistake in how you do things around there that needs specific refinement, as opposed to general feedback.

I can't really comment on the viability/marketability of your product concept, but I will offer this very important, if not somewhat trite, piece of advice. If you are going to try to sell something to designers and use words like aesthetics in your sales copy, you will most likely fail if your own presentation is not aesthetically pleasing. Others have given some great suggestions below. I just want to emphasize that before you work to send any traffic to your site you should greatly enhance the look.

the page needs to be designed better

you are trying to sell design services...your sales page should show the high quality of your product

Not exactly the same service, but worth a look : http://tigerlilyapps.com/

pretty good. I am wondering what are the three grey boxes doing in the sidebar? I am also interested in your other 92attempts.... that sounds a lot!~

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Seriously? You've failed 92 times? If so, perhaps you should try something else?